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Geek Monthly - June 2008
17 May 2008 | 12:14pm
The June issue of Geek Monthly is out, with our second robotic cover boy (Sorry WALL-E, Bender beat you to it last December).
There's a mess of hilarity on pages 77 and 78, featuring reviews of Zin Master Energy Drink, Hotwicks candles, Wasabi Doritos, Bawls Guarana G33K B33R, Pop Rocks Chocolate, and the Sanrio Ice Cube Tray.
Long-time readers of Geek may notice that this issue has 85% less typographical and formatting errors than the norm. You may also notice that there's a new, pretentious 3-word name listed under Senior Editors. Yes, friends, in just 15 short issues I've clawed my way up the masthead from "Contributor" to "Contributing Editor" to "Senior Editor." I ain't stoppin' until I'm listed as "Founder."
Unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to look at every single page of this issue before it went to press, so if you see things like story spelled "storry" (ironically, in the corrections column), I apologize.
Also, feel free to pretend that the final verdict on the Pop Rocks Chocolate review was the hilarious "Blah blah blah, Pepsi, blah blah blah, Mikey..." instead of the verdict from last issue's Burger King snacks that accidentally got left in the layout template.
I promise these kinds of mistakes won't slip by once I'm promoted to Founder...
You should congratulate me on my promotion by sending me something to review. Put it here: Geek Monthly Attn: Random Reviews 29229 Canwood St. Suite 200 Agoura Hills, CA 91301
If you can think of three things that are more awesome together than goths, roller skating, and tacos, I've got news for you: you can't.
When Amanda and I used to skate it was at the beach, where the path is marred by blowing sand, uneven pavement and geography, and giant tourist asses marching two-by-two as if boarding Richard Simmons' Ark. Needless to say, I never really had a chance to develop my technique. In a forum designed exclusively for skating, however, I've found that I'm learning very quickly.
Too quickly.
After only three trips to the roller rink, I've finally learned how to cross over my skates as I take the corners. This resulted in a small boost in confidence and an enormous boost in speed.
A deadly combination.
Late last night, after orbiting the rink for hours, my legs were starting to get sleepy. I came flying around a corner, using my newly mastered crossover skills, when I started to lose my balance. A few comical arm windmills and I had pushed myself back over my center of gravity. I gave a smile and enthusiastic thumbs-up to a few onlookers just in time for my skate to slip out from under me, slamming the side of my skull into the polished hardwood floor.
The next minute or so is a blur of semi-consciousness. I remember thinking that my nose was bleeding, wiping my hand across it, and finding that it wasn't. Then it seemed like I was looking at my pale fingertips for an hour. No, I was crawling. I somehow made it to the carpeted wall and pulled myself back onto my feet long enough to wobble to the safety of a bench. After that I alternated between laughing hysterically and feeling like I was about to throw up, which are the signs of a pretty awesome minor concussion.
This morning my right eye was swollen half-shut by a nice goose egg on my cheek. I immediately regretted the first agonizing bite I took out of breakfast, and then switched to a diet of exclusively squishy foods. I expect I'll make a full recovery by the weekend.
If there's one thing that I'm thankful for out of all of this, it's that I was wearing contact lenses at the time. If I had been wearing my glasses I would have destroyed them and, quite likely, lost an eye.
Of course, the reason I wasn't wearing my glasses when I had my catastrophic balance failure on goth skate night was because I didn't want to obscure my awesome eye makeup.
All of my fellow finalists in the fantasy/science-fiction category look like good books, but mine appears to be the only comedy. Let's hope the judges are looking for a laugh (and grew up in the 1980s)...
Or, and this seems even more unlikely, is there some kind of tiny adapter widget that will let a SATA drive live inside a laptop with an old-timey ATA/IDE interface?
(I know I can add external drives, but the more crap you need to carry, the less awesome it is to have a laptop.)
Today I tagged along with Amanda to a party populated with hip young animators.
A girl there was talking about how her boyfriend loves to sit in his car. She said that even when he's at home, he'll often sit in his car and listen to the radio or read. She also said that he's actually gone to parties with her where she goes inside but he just waits in the car.
To which I replied, "Who are you dating, Gary Numan?"
The party went silent as everyone just looked at me with vacant bewilderment before restarting the conversation with an unspoken, "Aaaaaanyway..."
Come on, that was gold. Right? Old people, back me up here...
Our old pal Christopher Andrews is in the running to be cast in a horror film. If you've got a few minutes, please give him a vote and help push him over the top. He needs to be in the top ten to move on to the next round, and he's currently number eleven. Your vote counts now!
Yes, you have to sign up for a Massify account, but I know you have an email address for junk email. Use it.
Here's what Christopher has to say about it:
Hey, everyone!
After Dark Films is holding a competition for one of this year's HorrorFest Halloween movies. All actors have to submit a video audition for the public to vote on -- the Top 10 Male & Top 10 Female actors will then be brought in for a screen-test with the director, which will lead to a second round of voting.
This round of voting ends at 9 PM (California time) tomorrow, Friday April 25th! Click on the following link to see my video:
You have to join Massify.com in order to vote on videos, but it is 100% Free to join -- for a basic, non-"Pro" account, you don't even have to give them your name. They send you a Validation email, and then you're on your way.
Please sign up and vote for my audition video! And please forward this message to everyone you know! Spread the word! :-)
bang. is auditioning skilled improvisers to join their conservatory program in the advanced, level 3 class.
The auditions will be on Monday night, April 28, from 6:00-7:15pm.
If you are accepted into the program, the level 3 class starts on Wednesday April 30 at 7:30pm.
The cost for level three for advanced improvisers is $300.00.
If you've done improv at another studio, or are good enough to make us think you have, this is your chance to join the bang family and save yourself a little bit of time and cash. See you there!
